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Wednesday, August 06, 2003

Today hasn't been good at all... I was sittin on the couch wondering... if Diane had thrown out my Sega Genisus... So I called her up and asked her.. She GAVE it away.. GAVE IT AWAY... Without even ASKING me.. she gave MY sega away... I was so pissed, i just started bitching at her.. then I started bitching at my dad..and he took her side... She called my dad after she hung up on me and bitched at my dad for letting me call her at work and "upsetting" her..and of couse he was all "Im sorry.. blah blah.. Princess di it will never happen again your royal bitchyness.." okay, so maybe not all that.. but he'll comfort her when she's upset... but not me... He was like "I DONT WANT TO ARGUE ON MY VACATION" I was just like "i dont care what the hell this is, im pissed off and if I want to argue IM GOING TO ARGUE.." I was so pissed i started crying and ran to my room to call Randy... I was like a 6 year old throwing a tantrum and slamming my door... But dammit it was MINE... I think what really bothers me is that..well.. Every last shred of Jared is being removed from our home... His room is stripped... His stuff given away, thrown out.. all except for a few things my dad and I snatch before the bitch has time to throw them away... I just.. my bro loved the sega when he was little... we played all the time... And she just had NO RIGHT to give it away without even saying ANYTHING to me at all... But.. enough of that... GRR..

My muse is back... Well for right now anyways... Here's the poem I just wrote.. it's called "I'm not good enough to be that strong" Shitty title, I know.. But I honestly couldn't come up with anything else...

What if's and maybe's go running through my head...
Sometimes I just wish those words were never said..
And I wish I could just dissapear and be alone instead...
I should have listened to Daddy when he said The life I lead shouldn't be led.
Too late, i've jumped too far in...
I've comitted far too many a sin..
And i've already cut, sliced, tortured my own skin.
I just long to feel safe, secure and happy...Within.
I've never quite been this way..
Second guessing myself, Trying not to become another cliche..
Pulling back and thinking things through, but today really isn't the day,
The day to tell myself that everything is going to be... okay.
I really should stop my loathsome crying..
It doesn't lead to anything more but my soul slowly and sadly dying..
Closing my eyes imaging myself free and flying..
Wanting so bad to get so far...without even trying.
Watching the world come out and show me a sign..
of "you know what you want", so stop using that line.
Yeah..I know what I want, it's a peice of what makes me reach for cloud nine.
Something that would never ever even be mine.
So you say I hate myself far too much..
And when I feel your skin, i've got an unworthy touch.
When all I really want is to do is leave my dark and gloomy hutch..
I really do just want to start standing on my own...And break off this invisible crutch.
I want to leave my dead life a million miles behind..
And I want my voice to become one of a kind..
I'm so sick of living my life so confined...
I need to get out, taste the world.. and just completely unwind.
But then I remember sometimes my head confuses what I want, and what I got.
That dreaming so far, and reaching for untouchables will only tie me in a knot.
Sneaking my sin through the door, im always going to get caught..
And I'll always say it was as simple as "Oops, I forgot."
I know inside that everything I do is wrong...
I'm not good enough to be that strong..
and I can't find anyplace where I really belong..
Maybe I should have just given up all along.

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 4:33 PM

Hype~ Tegan and Sara

one time in your life
you've got the route in hand but the map is stuck
they said it's
not your fault the tires are tired the camera moves
& your driver's been pulled
& i, i have always felt this
& i, i could never hear it
so i turned it up and turned it on
& turned it down
always the volume always the words
review the press & tell it like it is
your life is hype, your love is hype
& i will clench my own fist
& i will always wait
there's more there's more than blood that beats
through my heart
my hands my feet stuck between my tongue
& my teeth
we don't know so we wait for tomorrow
we don't know so we wait for tomorrow
we don't know so we only go forward
two times in your life you will trace the edge
sink your toes in
review my press & tell it like it is
my life is hype my love is hype
& i, i will clench my own fist
& i, i will always wait
i'd wait up all night for you

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 12:04 AM

Tuesday, August 05, 2003

erm.... Ever just sit there and out of no where start panicking about simple things? I mean, maybe not necessarily SIMPLE things.. but things you already know the answers to.. Like your sitting there and all of a sudden you just start telling yourself everything your doing is wrong, and second guessing all the decisions you've been making in your life?... Yeah.

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 11:41 PM

Monday, August 04, 2003

Oh, its so fucking hot lately.. You go outside, and you can just "swim in the air" ;)

lemme see, lately i've been cleaning a hell of alot... >.< Everything is changing around this house.. but I guess thats the price to pay for it to be fixed up.. but is there really a need to throw away perfectly good things? :( LIKE ANTIQUE PLATES?! !@#@!$#@^%$@#% *ehm ehm*...

I swear, people in s-ve aren't exposed enough to anything more than our hickish-slutty-rednecked-small town-small minded people... I walk into the Big M today with Randy, and people like stare at us... They gave me weird looks, and I swear the other day when we were walking through the mall someone said "thats just not right" ... -_- I hate racism so much.. But some people in this town make the shelterd-ness kind-of funny.. Like this one old lady, approached randy and I at the park.. and started talking about Tobacco, and how the government is screwing us all...and how back in the day, down south..at tobacco plantations the blacks and whites actually got along.. And now the government is just screwing bot races .. and then she actually asked randy... rofl.. "Your black, right?" NOOO! he just LOOKS like it.. don't let that deep-dark tan fool you for a black man ;) She stood there for like 15 to 20 minutes just talking about how she's been smoking since she was 16, and she's not 70 something, and she's never gotten cancer...She also said she should just start smoking weed because the fine for smoking weed is less than smoking a ciggarette indoors now.
But uh, anyways... people need to stop STARING... God, I know we're from spencer-van etten.. BUT PEOPLE... Do you have to ACT Like it?

Tomorrow Ima go with Sean and Ashley to take Randy back to Edinboro.. yay for me.. LoL ..Im gonna miss him :(

On a different subject.. .VOLLEYBALL IS STARTING! =-o.. well... Kind-of.. "conditioning" started today... Meaning we run.. we run ALOT..and then our first day of practice is on the 18th.. Volleyball is the shiznit... I just hope my eyebrow hole doesn't close up when I have to take it out for games... I need to call stiehls and ask them about it... I read somewhere that Other body peircings aren't the same as your ears... You can take a peircing out, and within 5 minutes the hole can get smaller... >.< Shanna said her naval closed up in one day... thats such a waste >.< I love me peircing.. I love PEIRCINGS.... And i'll be damned if I let my baby close up..

okay..more some other time...

HASTA LA BYE BYE.. ;)

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 9:44 PM

Sunday, August 03, 2003

We turned our house upside down today, like litterally... I woke up this morning to glass breaking, and thumps and thuds, and crashes... Stuff was flying out windows and onto our yard, and into the dumpster... Now theres like 3 rooms I walk into, that I can actually hear an echo in... Our house has always been cluttered, and PACKED, and STupid.. But now there is ECHOness... =-o

My melsies is back :) I missed her tons...and Im happy that she's back, cuz she's MY mel-o-pork, NO ONE ELSES...so.... HA!

And... I'm so HaPpY :) I have A special Special someone to thank for that... It's so amazing how close and wonderful I can feel with someone after such a short period of time. Its so great when someone really does accept you for you... It must mean they really ARE special ;) The past weeks have been good for me... :) I hope they stay that way...

More later I guess... Damn bugs biting me to SHREDS *SQUEALS* >.<

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 1:45 AM

Wednesday, July 30, 2003

Let me say this again.... If you don't like what I write in here, then don't read it ;) This is MY online journal, and its MY choice to post it on the internet. You have a problem with what I say, Don't come to me about it because I really don't give a fuck. Don't like it DONT READ IT! Stupid fucks. -_-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alright... Now that that's cleared up ;) Alot has gone on since last thursday (my last post)... Hmm.. I met a guy named a Randy.. A really great guy, who's sweet, caring, compassionate, cute, and all that good stuff. I have Ashley and Catherine to thanks for that, they played Matchmaker between me and Randy, and well... it Worked ;) The only sucky thing about this is the fact that he lives in Erie PA, and goes to college at Edinboro. Which is like 4 hours away... Oh well, we'll see if Absence REALLY DOES make the heart grow fonder ;)

I just wanna make this clear AGAIN..Since SOMEONE seems to think I'm gonna turn into a demented sick-love puppy like I ONCE was, and leave all my friends on the sidelines.. Well its NOT going to happen. I know that once it doesn't work out with a guy, all you have left IS your friends, and I need my friends regardless in order to be happy. So no worries to my girls and guys out there, I'll always be here for yas.

Well, thats really all thats happened lately... I've been spending most of my time with Randy, Ashley, Catherine, and Sean. I wish I had gotten to know Ashley and Catherine better sooner... They really are awsome.. I guess once Randy leaves, I'll be back to the same.... well ALMOST the same, boring life. Which will suck ass...

I'll try to update more.. ;)

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 1:57 PM

Thursday, July 24, 2003

W

H

Y

?

?

?

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 5:38 PM

Saturday, July 19, 2003

Exsangue187: you are one of my family... you should have a bit more cockiness
Exsangue187: i didnt mean to hog it all

***********************
Exsangue187: mom asked after i got back the other night how much you had to drink
AeStHeTiCONSPRCY: LoL and?
Exsangue187: i told her you downed a fifth of gin and 2 40ozs
Exsangue187: lol
Exsangue187: she looked at me like i had 3 heads
AeStHeTiCONSPRCY: LoL hahaha
Exsangue187: she thought you were EXTREMELY liquored up
AeStHeTiCONSPRCY: HAHAHAHA
AeStHeTiCONSPRCY: Nuh uh
Exsangue187: i told her that i didnt need to carry you too far
AeStHeTiCONSPRCY: LoL!
Exsangue187: she thought you were sauced outta yer gourd

haha, i love my cuz sean..he's one of a kind, thas for sure.. :P

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 12:54 AM

Friday, July 18, 2003

Okay.... LoL its now a week later... yeah, so after i got in it with my dad and diane... I decided I didn't want to be stuck in my house with them nagging at me all day, so I called my cousin Kari in this wittle town called Greene, and went to stay with them for a few days.. I came home on wed. And Havn't really done much.. just *chillin* ;)
Shanna is cool.. She's a really good listener, and funny.. She must think im sort of nutty though, because well like... The things I do at certain times.. LoL if THAT makes any sense.. but no worries, it DOES... maybe just not to YOU.. or whoever reads this damn thing anymore....

when I was in greene.. I guess im suprised at how many guys (asshole sluts though) are attracted to me... You know that if a guy is all over you and really flirtatious the first time u meet, that it wouldn't work out... Heres a hint I think im finally getting... The guys that make relationships the best, are the guys that don't hit on girls... I don't know... Hardly anyone has respect anymore, and all anyone ever wants is ass... Or to use someone for some purpose... >_< ASDJSADIJ whatever...

Im quite bored right now... my typing feels funny .. haha..
I dont like being home like this... so I'm gonna leave again.. and go next door.. :D more update later...

oh yeah, did I mention I REALLY cut my hair this time? ;) its short... Its cute, and really different... so.. uh.. yay?

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 7:30 PM

Friday, July 11, 2003

im so fucking pissed off and beyond fucking annoyed right now.... There are fucking motorcycles right outside my house rawring and they're being morons just sittin there going in circles making as much noise as they can.. theres like 4 of them.... GET THE FUCK AWAY.. >:O
Im so bored...and I can not take it being in this house much longer... I've been stuck here with NOTHING to do, just sittin here, over there, or up there... DOING NOTHING.. NOTHING AT ALL..... Im NOT getting along with diane because she's being a psycho bitch about Niagra Falls and Andrew, and With how I'm going now, I doubt i'll even GET to go.... And then DAD..is being a bitch as well.. He doesn't have fucking time to listen to MY problems.. of fucking COURSE not.. he'll do any damn thing in the world for diane, but he wont even LISTEN to me.. he just says he doesnt want to hear it, because he gets enough at work...and that he's trying to "relax"... Fuck him..Fuck everyone... What am I even wasting my time on? REALLY? WHAT?

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 8:34 PM

Monday, July 07, 2003

Ugh.. Im not in the best mood today.... Im so sick of things always being so hard for me... So out of my reach... Nothing can EVER just be easy for me... it's always the things I want the most, I can keep reaching for, but I'm never going to get them!!! >:O THEY'RE JUST TOO FAR AWAY.. if that makes any sense, but it does for me.... BLAH.. whatever... I guess I'll get over it... Its all I CAN do .. -_-

So.. hmm.. I went to kevin's yesterday.. and we hung out, then Jeremy came over... We made smores, and swam and stuff.. w00.. At least this summer I'm hanging out with friends more than just sittin here doing nothing.... Hey, did I mention mel might not be moving now? :D I dont know if I did, but yes..

I dont know what im going to be doing this week.. *sigh* I guess my 5 hour course, and just being lazy...

Blah, wtfe..

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 4:14 PM

Saturday, July 05, 2003

FINALLY!! A decent 4th of July!! :D.. Yesterday was funnn.. Mel and I went to Kevin's, swam, and hung out, ja know? And then we went to Elmira and watched the fire works... THENNNN.. we came back to my house (mel and me)..and did some other fourth-ish of July stuff ;) lets just say !W00!

Im really tired, AND my body hurts... >_< And this so doesn't feel like saturday...
Ugh, my cat is really pregnant, and she's in her right-before-labor phase.. she gets all friendly and in your face...But its driving me INSANE..she wont fricken leave me ALONE!! >_< Everywhere I go, she's there.. and she's going to have a hell of alot of kittens... :/ God help us all.

Woo. I get to finally go to Niagra Falls!!! I've never been, and Diane is going with her daughter and her daughter's husban on the 22nd, and she asked if I wanted to go... and yesh I do... Hopefully I'll see andr00 there :D.. I'm also going to Oswego on Lake ontario on the 26th for some big fire-works show, and to visit my aunt and cousin... I still gotta figure out whos GOING WITH ME...

Meh, im hungry..and Wondering what im gonna do today... I guess we'll find out eh?

*Everything's the same, just bigger* ~ ha, my bad ;)
and mel *Dad, put your pants on >_<*

w00t.

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 1:03 PM

Wednesday, July 02, 2003

Hrm.. You know what I just realized? Since my Dad and Diane got back together... He's really alive.. Like... LIVING... before it was just.. work, kids, Stress... Even when he was with her before... Everything was work, kids, stress, MONEY..and like...the newspaper... If that makes sense... but like.. I guess because of the past 2 years, with so much shit happening...And Diane breaking up with him... It changed him...Made him want to live.. Not be an old fart...He's only 53... I mean, if my step dad who is 77 can still kick it...My dad can kick it harder...
So like I was in the car..and I was looking at my dad...and I realized how good he looks.. he's lost weight.. but he's not like STARVING himself anymore, like he was.. He's so clean, and he's dressing better...and his entire vibe is just so much more positive...
We're not moving I don't think.. i guess that can still change.. But I don't think we are.. my dad is too stuck on living here, and I guess it would just be more sensable and CHEAPER to stay here, and fix up this house while we're still living here... We've already begun the fix-up process.. lets hope it STAYS this time... This house has potential to be a nice house... but with my dad here, and making the decisions.. it will fall to dust in the next 20 years...

Ugh, whatever... QUE SERA SERA... I'll be outta here in 2 years.. .2 years of dealing with diane..2 years of dealing with this house.... Now that college is actually closer.. It's kind-of scaring me :/

Yes..well...More on all this shit later...

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 10:05 PM

well well... Rachachi came over last night, and we had tons-o-fun.. LoL.. it was great hanging with my hottcakes again...
*Kahuders ;)
*watching moobies and smoking doobies
*Happy Tree Friends
*Hot Roofs
*Hot Feet and Roads
*Deep blue eyes ;)
*The Exorcist
*Depressing-Lonely-SAD Romances
*ASSHOLES!!!
*Damn ya'll look good :D
I love ya hun... We'll always be sistas!
*******************************
So LEVIS came over early early this morning... Like 9:00..and he left at like 2:00... We just hung out at my mommies.. but I was so happy to finally see the best cuz in the WoRlD.. I miss him already :(

Hrm, thats all thats been happening...More updateyness later..

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 8:42 PM

Monday, June 30, 2003

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that
I'm all right
And you can't change me

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
******************************
^ Those be some lines from Simple Plans- Perfect... so true..so True..
******************************

oookies.... Lemme see's..Kevins grad party was coolz...We hung out, played some v-ball...and stuffffff... ;) Mel spent the night that night..but she fell asleep early.... so I ended up watching movies by meself....Hrm.. Im at my moms now... Not alot is happening..
I want a BOYFRIEND dammit... >_< Like I go through these phases, where im perfectly happy being single.. You know, I don't wanna deal with the shit that comes with a boyfriend.. But then, I miss cuddling and etc.... I miss someone else caring about me... in more than just a FRIEND way.. but, my day will come.. HOPEFULLY when I meet that perfect someone for me.. Im only 16.. no need to be rushing it now.... Teenage guys are just big bags of hormones walking around anyways..

Music... I love music... music im listening to right now- Taking back sunday- good enough - GREAT SONG.. DL it ;)

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 3:41 PM

Friday, June 27, 2003

~NiCkeL CrEeK~ sPeAk~

Well i sat down next to a photograph
tried my best almost made her laugh
she was my toughest crowd
there in the way was a mountain up in the
clouds

well i can't sleep and i'm not in love
i can't speak without messing up
eyes tell of what's behind
and her's showed the way to a long and lonely
climb
but through failure i'll proceed
and she'll see how far i've come

chorus: and it's you and me in the sun and sea
i'll offer my arm to yours
it seems to me no mystery
it isn't so i'll try hard to speak

well i sat down next to a living hell
tried my best until i struck out
movement is not mine
i stood in the way
pretending that i was the
vine
but no failure will proceed
from a mouth that drinks its wine
chorus: and it's not me not my sanctity
these aren't my words to you
it's all clear when it's not from here
so clear so i'll try not to speak

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 4:33 PM

Thursday, June 26, 2003

Hmm..Blogger has new stuffs to it... Nifty..

well, sorry for the delay in posts.. I've been... Lazy AND busy...ish ;) yes yes... so I went to Jeremy's grad. party on sunday.. He's got a schnazzy lake house in Ithaca... I went with mels, and we had a ass-slappin time.... this sat. is Kevin's grad party..w00 w00.. Lemme see, yes so... I've been mainly hanging out with mels, as always! :D ..her and I have our own little world, that very few others can appreciate, right mels? Don't be haters towards our weirdness.. Just sit back and let us laugh at nothing DAMMIT! *cough* Kevin! Hell, even the Ouija board doesn't get us.. SPEAKING of the ouija.. Oh god, Lets get me started on this one ;) Well yes, i've played it alot lately.. But I'm done..there were some interesting events, which we wont get into right now...as mel said in her blog, if you really want to know, u can ask... But one happening I will tell about is Sunday night I was playing with Shanna, and It said it saw "marriage" I said, "marriage of who" and it said "dad".. I was like .. "hrmm"..yeah, so last night I was going to dinner and I told my dad about what the board said about him getting married..and Diane said "WHAT? YOU DIDNT TELL HER YET!?" im like.. "o_O huh?" Diane is like "He ISSS gettin married!! Jack, I can't believe you havn't told her yet! I can't believe I had to be the first to tell her!" I'm like "no..THE FUCKING OUIJA WAS THE FIRST!!!! THANKS DAD! >:O" So yeah... On top of the shock of the fact my dad IS Gettin married (it shouldn't have been so much of a suprise) We might be moving.. YEAH, MOVING! Either fucking way, we're gonna end up living with Diane... She wants my dad to rent this house with her for a year or two, while we fix up this house, and then we can move back... I don't mind moving... i love the MEMORIES this house has...(well, most of the memories) but I really hate this house.. Its so #!$$#%#@$ <~ That... So moving to a better house would be a plus... but Living with Lady DI would be the bummer.. she's controlling, and I think as ya'll can tell from previous posts, im not that excited about my dad being with her... I guess im gonna have to get over it, and be nice... Diane can be okay sometimes, But I don't trust her... She said she'd take me to disney world... I was joking about it, and she was serious about "making it happen".... She is kissing my ass so unbelievably much... I guess she can tell I kind-of hate her... But she is acting all super-nice to me and shit.. *sigh* whatever...

hrm...DAMN OWLS.. :( They make scary screechy noises.... OR DO THEY?! >_<

I love being able to go to bed at any time, and wake up at any time...and to just sit here all day, or go outside and lay out there, and I love this sun.. MMMM sun is yummy..see, it's warm, and shiney, and bright..and Pretty..and I love sunshine and summer days and All this warmth, and all this laziness summerage... I love love love it!

And another thing.. I know im pale and shiznit... But Even when I do get sun, nothing happens, or I FRY!!! and then even if I do BURN MY SKIN OFF, I hardly even tan..So shut up about my PALENESS ALREADY! :(

Hmm... I want to go someplace, but you know what? IM TOO LAZY TO! so I guess I'll do something TOMORROW night, just cuz I CAN! XD

hmm...cheerio...

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 6:21 PM

Saturday, June 21, 2003

NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM NORM

N-O-R-M

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 10:41 PM

Friday, June 20, 2003

Ergh.. Okay... My summer vacation of 03 has OFFICIALLY started!!! I had all my regents's... I failed the math :( 52.. But then again 60% of NYS failed it... It was shit.. total bullshit... I did get a 96 on my global! ^_^ ! And those are the only 2 grades I know so far.. hopefully I did better on the other 2.... Mel spenter the nights last night, and we sucked helium, then recorded ourselves... It was funny... Come on now, we live in s-ve.. there is never ANYTHING to do..and we're amused easily with stupid stuff like sucking in helium and having our voices change... Kevin was like "dont do that, I don't like it, your going to become a helium addict and die!" yes yes, thank you MOMMY kevin.. But we's gonna be just fine.... Its not like we do it all the time... hrmm...mel and I attempted to walk to the cemetary last night with a flash light..but we got to the center of chuck aldermin field and just stood there, noticing how dark it was :/ we's be CHICKENS... Hrm..

My dad was annoying me earlier about getting a job..he was like lecturing about how when I go to college, I'm going to HaVe to support myself some how to make ends meet.... yes yes, I know... Maybe I'll get a job soon.. you never know.. Laziness can be overcome.......... I think..

wellllll... Not much has happened the past few days... Just alot of tests.... This week has gone by fast... I just hope the summer doesn't just FLY BY... With me not doing anything at all..... Meh, me write more later....

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 11:18 PM

Tuesday, June 17, 2003

aEsThEtiConSPrCY: okay kevin
aEsThEtiConSPrCY: if i was to describe to someone
aEsThEtiConSPrCY: how pale i am
aEsThEtiConSPrCY: how would you describe it
aEsThEtiConSPrCY: ?
TeleKevin: Well you can use different things
TeleKevin: Like you can say "I look like a golf ball"
aEsThEtiConSPrCY: hey :-(
TeleKevin: Or you can say it all artistic-gay like
TeleKevin: "WHITE LIKE THE SILKY CIRRUS ALONG THE SERENE BLUE BACKDROP OF A NEW DAY'S HORIZON"
aEsThEtiConSPrCY: hahaha
TeleKevin: Or you can be like
aEsThEtiConSPrCY: i wanna hear u say that!
TeleKevin: "Fuckin pale"

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 9:19 PM

The Golden Age of Grotesque~ Marilyn manson (I LOVE THIS SONG!!!!!!)

All our monkeys have monkeys
We drive all down across town in jaguar limosines
We're not fantastic motherfuckers, but we play them on tv
It's a dirty world reich. Say what you like It's a dirty world reich.
Say what you like Well hello I'm gloominati and we aim to the press Discover a sacreligion,
this is the golden age of grotesque
Well hello I'm gloominati and we aim to the press
Discover a sacreligion, this is the golden age of grotesque
The devils are girls with Van Gogh's missing ear and say what you want,
but filth is all that they hear I've got the jigger to make all you bigger,
ladies or gentlemen So drop your piss roommate
and make sure you're not late you tramps and lunatics
Here's a trick that's gonna make you click Well hello
I'm gloominati and we aim to the press Discover a sacreligion,
this is the golden age of grotesque Well hello I'm gloominati
and we aim to the press Discover a sacreligion, t
his is the golden age of grotesque It's a dirty world reich.
Say what you like It's a dirty world reich. Say what you like
So I'll buy my tit boy Tommy tries rowdy-rowdy honey finger
goodbye dolls Hells a poppin'; open your third nostril put on your
black face and your God is gone Well hello I'm gloominati and
we aim to the press Discover a sacreligion, this is the golden
age of grotesque Well hello I'm gloominati and we aim to the press
Discover a sacreligion, this is the golden age of grotesque
We sing la la la la la la la We sing la la la la la la la la la la la la la la
We sing la la la la la la la

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 6:34 PM

Sunday, June 15, 2003

^I love that pix0r^

yes, if all you fellow blog-readers out there couldn't tell..that would be me and Jordan.. and yes, we are buds again... Got all the quarks worked out.. Realized almost every guy is an asshole, and that NONE of them should be trusted... Well, there is that exception to the few decent guys out there... but again, that is FEW..VERY..FEW..
But jordan is a good friend.... we need to stop having jerry moments though >_< We're getting better... We're all growing up..and soon we'll realize things matter more than guys fucking everything up.... I spent the night at her house on friday..and we went to Ithaca on Sat... Walked around the commons, and went to the mall.. we saw marjie at the bus stop too.. LoL... ASS DIMPLES *Sigh* its just not fair jordan, I WANT THEM! ;)

Okay.. krispi-life-update..
Hrm.. Summer break will officially start at the end of next friday.. thats right... This week should be almost all half days... well.. yeah it basically will... Tomorrow there is a lovely English final, then wed-friday are all regents.. AHHH REGENTS >_< it's okay... As long as I remember to BREATH... I will be OkAy... I just wish I could fast-forward this week through to the end of friday... When freedom hits.. I think i'll be alot happier when I can sit here being absolutely-ToTaLLy lazy.. You know, sleep, eat..do everything how, when, and WHERE I want to do it.. ;) without worrying about school.... Too bad it only last for like 2 months.... I guess it's better than nothing... I really feel like because of my laziness, im throwing my whole future away... I could be doing so much better in school, and in life... I could end up going to a really good college.. but NOOO .. I have to let laziness, and emotions get in the way of EvErYtHiNg.. I'm going to end up like my dad, or mom... Well, if I end up like my mom... all I need to do is marry a nice old..old guy.... But when he dies, then where will I be? So that plan is shot... My dad.. well, sure he lives an OKAY life.. But it could be so much better.. He's stuck with a job he hates.. that he's hated since the 70's..and he doesn't even get paid that much... COLLEGE.. I am DEFINITLY going to college...

I saw my mommy this weekend..and I gotta admit... it was better than most.. I really miss my mom... I miss her alot actually... You know, theres just that mom feel that you get... the things they do...their voice... the mommy perfume smell? I miss it all... Thats funny, I just thought of when I was little.. When I did see my mom, the thing I would remember most about her, is the way she smelled..she always smelled SOOO GOOD...Well..I mean, we've never really been like EXTREMELY close... Just because of the fact she lived in NC for like 7-8 years... But I think I might go up more often...we've definitly been closer than we are now... And my step dad.. I love fran... Seriously.. He's so protective of me... and he's just great...even if he DOES have way of bad humor, and making jokes I find more offending then humourous... He's just like my second dad... Or grandpa.. I kind-of do consider him more of a grandpa figure.. But then agian, he doesn't act all old and stuff... bah I dunno.. He was lecturing me all the way home about being safe when im cars with other peoples... He's lost alot of people he knows to accidents, especially his kids... Like Joelle (grandaughter) and my brother... and I cant really think or remember if there's more.. but he was all like "You know, just take your cell phone with you anywhere you go..and if you ever need a ride because someone's been drinking, or you don't feel safe..or ANYTHING..just call me" I really just want to cry right now... I miss that part of my life alot tonight... Even in my dysfunctional family... When im up there... There is always things that don't change.. Like the food, and my grandma...and the way my mom is... I went up there this weekend, and was actually bummed my mom changed around funiture in the kitchen, and family room...and bathrooms...Blah...It makes me sad that fran is so old.. :( he's not going to be around to see my kids when I have them.. He MIIGHT..but he'll be all senile and stuff.. he just turned 77... I think I will be up there more... The more I think about it.. The more I want my mom to be in my life more.... She's a part of my life I've missed too much of... And I shouldn't hold things against her... She wont be around my entire life... I shouldn't take advantage of time.... My dad, I pretty much know will live longer than her...he doesn't smoke or drink...and he has good health.. her? ha, well.. She smokes worse than a chimney.. and she has PCK (a kidney disease)...

Erm, okay enough of that... *sigh*... What to talk about eh? i just cant wait for school to be done with..For summer to start... all that good stuff...

Oh, my dad and di are back together.. *rolls eyes*... what a fool... I don't have to like her.. and I wont.. -_- But, if they get married.. I might be forced to pretend... at least if and when they get married, I wont be in this house too much longer to deal with her... I really wouldn't be able to handle her all up in my space... Im territorial... I don't even like her sucking the same air as me... She's lucky I'm being tolerable... When she's around.. I don't even look at her... Grr to my dad for being foolish!! >_<

I guess thats enough of an update for now... Tootles my lovely peoples...

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 11:44 PM

Tuesday, June 10, 2003

City Girl ~ Tegan and Sara

i cried so hard that you pushed me further away
i screamed so loud you called the police on me
i got so city girl on you
i get so sad that sad gets to be
so scared that all my feelings, they up and leave... me
i got so city girl on you
i go so crazy i don't know what to do
i look so long i get obvious
i look so hard i look obvious
i work so much i miss the sunshine away
i sleep so little watch the stars fade into day
i get so city girl on you
i go so crazy i don't know what to do
i get uncertain promise i'll be perfect from now on
but all my promises they're out the window once you're gone
you pack your bags you say
i love you but i cannot stay
so i started smoking thought the signals
would scare your walls away
i got so city girl on you
i went so crazy i didn't know what to do
i got so city girl on you
i went so crazy i didn't know what to do
i cried so hard that you pushed me further away
i screamed so loud you called the police on me
you pack your bags you say
i love you but i cannot stay
so i started smoking thought the signals
would scare your walls away
i got so city girl on you
i went so crazy i didn't know what to do
i got so city girl on you

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 11:25 PM

Monday, June 09, 2003

ugh..I just got done talking to kyle..and I'm like crying right now... I feel so horrible for not believing the stuff he said the first time, But i'm just so damn skeptical when it comes to all of THIS stuff....And by this stuff I mean car accidents, and what really did happen, and what people exaggerate... I believe him now... I guess I have to realize people talk about it alot, to get it out.. I should know, i've been through some shit in my life, and I think I talked about it so much, I lost friends because of it....Some people tend to exaggerate to get attention, and I guess because people did that in the accident with my bro, I take offense to it... Like i'm utterly sensitive to the entire situation-and it's so stupid that im like that... But kyle, im sorry for not believe you about all the details at first... I'm so happy your okay... After talking to you, I realized how much.. I don't know... Just I realized you went through some crazy shit..and I'm sorry.... I'm just so happy your okay..and yes, darrin too.... Consider yourself lucky, and learn from this experience.. Your strong, you'll get through this....It just takes time...

I just got so emotional, I felt like writting in here... It brings back alot of memories from my brother dying and stuff... it really does... I can't even listen to details about kyle's accident, it just makes me cringe.... Car's aren't toys... They're big-humungous lethal weapons, under your ass, and in your control..And once in a while, control is lost..and people get hurt... or die.... I mean, when I first started driving, I couldn't even back out of my own drive-way I was so scared.... It get's easier I guess... But you have to trust yourself, Everyone else on the road around you, and if your a passenger, The driver.... It's also crazy-ironic how Bryant got in a car accident, like the night before kyle's too... I guess he broke his arm really bad, had to get surgery..some plates and like 200 stitches... : / Dammit people.... Drive safer :( I don't think your going to want to go on a fatal CARnival ride because of stupidity, or just because of accidents that could have been avoided....

Alright, felt like bitching.. i feel better now I spose..... BLAH....

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 7:43 PM

I want a pet penguin :(

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 7:22 PM

Hrmm.. I woke up at 5:45 this morning... Its so weird... I don't know why.. I think I had a fever or something, I was sweating really bad... Yesterday morning I woke up at 5:30 as well, because my stomach hurt so bad.... Early mornings suck, but I like time in the morning so whatever....Lemme see.. Yesterday I choppidy my hair... I got 7 inches taken off.. SeVeN!!! thats a whole lotta hair.. i didn't even know I had that much...I'm kind of in shock still... But its okay, hair is hair, and it always grows..Even if it does take another 2-3 years to get it long again... :P I played pool yesterday with josh and shuana, and I really just shouldn't be allowed to handle a pool stick.. I suck so bad... it was basically my first time playing, so i guess I was ALLOWED to suck, but they kicked my ass like there was no tomorrow...*sigh* I dont want to go to school :( I wish this was still the weekend... God, I hate school.. Only 3 more days.. and then like 9 locals and regents.... It's almost done and then I get 2 months worth of break...(not enough, but it'll do)... Alright time for schools I spose... Ta Ta all you blog readers...

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 6:36 AM

Sunday, June 08, 2003

The days turn faster with each wind of the season,
And my life gets older and more confusing with every breath I inhale.
People walk in and out of my life like the opening and closing of a door.
Sometimes the door becomes locked, and a wall is built over it.
Then I'm thrown to the side like an old doll that lost her head.
Love seems to have no meaning anymore- No real truth.
Life is a huge leviathan game - a game of poker trapped inside of a huge maze,
And No turn can ever be an easy one.
Trust hardly even exists with paranoia, and heartbreak-
The engulfs all normalcy—
It becomes so un-normal, it actually IS normal.
Immunity that is built around polluted innocence-
There comes a Rock solid shield that looks like protection—
But In all reality it’s only another fallacious illusion.
Faltering hope that such a thing as love is real.
Like all my dreams are stuck in a storybook that I can’t even read,
And nothing I do will matter, because my significance has no meaning.
So I’ll continue to walk cold streets with strangers that stare—
Searching for more of a meaning to the fast passing days—
And I’ll keep looking a little harder in the ‘all too real’ mirrors--
For what is really behind my bewildered hazel eyes…
I’ll continue to search for an easier logic,
To the thing that confuses me the most...
...Me...

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 1:48 AM

Saturday, June 07, 2003

Moral of the story ACCORDING TO KEVIN IS: Don't date guys with brains composed of chopped up vegitables..

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 7:31 PM

Ahh... Well... Blah... Thursday night I went to the mall with my dad to ruby tuesdays, and then I bought some clothes.. w00 for clothes.. Buying things is always a pick-me up.. But clothing sometimes depresses me with the fact that I don't like to try so much shit on, and when it doesn't fit, I just get pissed off..yeah...well... Friday.. was a weird day.. I don't know..Just a normal day I guess... With the exception that andy is finally back online..w0000 :D:D Rachachi and I have been gettin along alot better lately.. I don't know...I guess time heals everything, and things change... Friendships anymore are like yo-yo's.... closer, farther away, and then closer again.. But I do know that when people like rachel and I have been friends for so long, giving up is just NOT WORTH IT...losing rachel isn't worth it... I love my hottcakes ;)
True friends are rare anymore, and I guess I should really value the ones I have....

School is almost done.. i've got 3 more class days, and then its locals and regents : / .. I already did one of the final essay's for paasch, but we still have to do what? 3 more essays?? Blah... Writting seems to be easier when I just keep my mind open to things...

I'm seriously considering chopping my hair off.. not that short, like below my chin.. I just need something different.. the long hair is a pain in the ass, and its BORING >_<
-B-o-R-i-N-G-

Im so emotional :( Stupid hormones... i was watching this show on TLC today, about pregnancy and birth...and every baby that came out, was just so amazing..and this one woman had this baby pre-maturely, It was only about 5 months old, and I just started balling.. I was just like "wow...Living breathing things like that inside of her tummy.." :( *happy-amazing tears* you know all that hormonal cry-baby stuff..Kevin said he didn't get it, and it must be a chick thing...He said he thought it was gross..But then again he hates baby's and anything a few years younger than him.. OH WAIT...Kevin just hates most living things anyways ;) You big jerk! ;)

Ever stop to think, that if everyone was blind, half of the stuff we let get to us, wouldn't even bother us... this world is made up of what things look like, and perfection through image.. and im so sick of it... Im starting to not care so much.. it'll take some time.. but I REALLY AM just starting to realize that looks have no significance in the big picture of life... Why wait until im an old lady to finally not care about all of this aesthetic shit... If I could just get away from worrying so much about every detail of my body and face, I would be a much happier person..and a much smarter person.. I won't be occupied with always thinking and worrying about how I look... I'll actually be occupied with thinking and wondering about the real things in life that ACTUALLY matter....

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 7:22 PM

Thursday, June 05, 2003

ARE YOU HAPPY NOW? ~ Michelle Branch

now
don't just walk away
pretending everything's okay
and you don't care 'bout me

and i
know it's just no use
when all your lies become your truths
and i don't care

could you look me in the eye
and tell me that you're happy now
would you tell it to my face
or have i been erased
are you happy now?
are you happy now?

and you, took all there was to take
and left me with an empty plate
and you don't care 'bout it
and i, am giving up this game
and leaving you with all the blame
'cause i don't care
yeah yeah yeah

could you look me in the eye
and tell me that you're happy now
would you tell it to my face
oh, are you happy now?
are you happy now?

do you really have
everything you want
you could never give
something you aint got
You can't run away from yourself

could you look me in the eye
and tell me that you're happy now
yeah yeah
come on
tell it to my face
or have i been replaced
are you happy now

would you look me in the eye
could you look me in the eye
I've had all that I can take
and I'm about to break
'Cause you're happy now
Are you happy now?

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 11:49 PM

Wednesday, June 04, 2003

"I wake up in the morning, and put on my face, the one thats gonna get me through another day, doesn't really matter, how I feel inside, this life is Like a game sometimes.."

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 11:45 AM

Tuesday, June 03, 2003

Alright..so lately, alot has sucked.. But, the world will still turn.. Like I guess the only true friends I have, are the ones who are leaving me this summer ~ but just cuz they're gone in distance of miles, doesn't mean they're gone in distance of friendship.... I'm sick of being ridiculed and hurt by certain people, who used to claim they were my friend.. I refuse to argue with you anymore jordan, especially not in my online journal..its childish and stupid... I will say one thing though, you believe other people, who hardly know me, that say things about me, I.E~Shaun..and I.E~Chris.. If you don't want to believe me, then fine.. I know the truth, I know what I did AND didn't say, and I can't MAKE anyone believe it...
"although you have some serious issues, and even though i still dont want to talk to you, i added you for a second todya for the first time in months and am actually proud your finally understanding that kristy isnt your friend"~Shaun.. okay, Jordan.. This is a guy who is telling you that you have serious issues and that he doesnt want to talk to you, YET he's proud of you? oh yeah, sounds like someone who can really be trusted to tell the truth about things...you sure as hell have a way of choosing friends..
Im through playing these stupid games, with these stupid people... I'm going to just stick by to the REAL FRIENDS, that DONT JUDGE ME, and don't believe everything everyone else says about me..... I do have feelings too ya know? Just stop posting all this Bullshit online, it's not getting either of us ANYWHERE... if we need to deal with our problems, we can deal with them face to face, you know, so the entire world doesn't have to be involved?

I have a concert today :/ oboeeee time... I always feel like im gonna mess up, I hope I do okay...Grrarr.. I talked to levis on the phone last night.. That was pretty schnazzy considering I havn't talked to him in forever....I miss my boiiii... But I missed school yesterday...again.. It would be easier to get to school in the morning, if People didn't always forget about me.... I called 3 different people, and got answering machines everytime... But thats okay, whatever.. Life goes on...

Hrm.. a special shout out to AnDrEw-BaBy ;) Your awsome hun...

and uhm, thats it for now...

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 7:12 AM

Monday, June 02, 2003

Here Is Gone~ Goo Goo Dolls

You and I got something
But it's all and then it's nothing to me, yeah
And I got my defenses
When it comes to your intentions for me, yeah
And we wake up in the breakdown
Of the things we never thought we could be, yeah
I'm not the one who broke you
I'm not the one you should fear
We got to move you darling
I thought I lost you somewhere
But you were never really ever there at all

And I want to get free, talk to me
I can feel you fallin'
And I wanted to be, all you need
Somehow here is gone

I have no solution
To the sound of this pollution in me, yeah
And I was not the answer
So forget you ever thought it was me, yeah

I'm not the one who broke you
I'm not the one you should fear
What do you got to move you darling
I thought I lost you somewhere
But you were never really ever there at all

And I want to get free, talk to me
I can feel you fallin'
And I wanted to be, all you need
Somehow here is gone

And I don't need the fallout
Of all the past that's in between us
And I'm not holding on
And all your lies weren't enough to keep me here

And I want to get free, talk to me
I can feel you fallin'
And I wanted to be, all you need
Somehow here is gone

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 9:33 AM

Anglos Rune: Take over Ithaca
Anglos Rune: Just not the world, leaves no room for me ):
aEsThEtiConSPrCY: I dont live in ithaca
Anglos Rune: But isn't that where everything is?
aEsThEtiConSPrCY: lol
aEsThEtiConSPrCY: well
aEsThEtiConSPrCY: That or elmira-horseheads
Anglos Rune: yeah don't say that word around me
Anglos Rune: It's weird
aEsThEtiConSPrCY: LoL
aEsThEtiConSPrCY: Well
aEsThEtiConSPrCY: elmira
aEsThEtiConSPrCY: is one city/town thing
Anglos Rune: Who'd want to live in a town called that
aEsThEtiConSPrCY: and horseheads
aEsThEtiConSPrCY: is another
aEsThEtiConSPrCY: lol

** Well.. I guess mel was right.. People think HorSeHeadS is like.. The weirdest name ever for a town/city thing... o_O **

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 9:14 AM

""you actually think i'm scared?? ha!

I just feel nice, ya know, nice, the thing opposite from being a bitch!

i'm sorry that your fucken main issue is your afriad what ppl think of you, if you can bitch me out and then get scared that others know, thats prettty fucked up! you have no idea how fricken bitchy you really are. Dont fuck with me, because i know all of your weak spots! you would lose everytime, just keep that in mind. friends dont say shit about each other.""~Number ONE stuck up bitch..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yes well, lets make something clear.. I'm not the one saying shit about you behing your fucking back, fucking asshole!! >_< Im saying shit about you right now, and your free to know it.... I don't talk about you behind your fucking back..Don't be a fucking HYPOCRITE now, because I mean, come on.. you thrive off from hurting other people, and getting what YOU WANT...You know damn fucking well that I bitched you out because you were accusing me of shit I never did or said... And it was all just bullshit..If your going to post a PRIVATE CONVORSATION PUBLICLY, YOU COULD AT LEAST POST THE WHOLE FUCKING THING... I mean, The ONLY reason you posted THE END OF IT, is so people would have pity for you, and turn against ME.. "oh POOR PERFECT JORDAN..She can NEVER do any wrong.... LOOK at what this GIRL SAID To HER, OMG I CANT BELIEVE IT!!! UGH!" You obviously know nothing about me, so don't pretend to.. i've been through more shit in my life then you could ever even IMAGINE.... "Dont fuck with me, because I know all of your weak spots" I don't think so.. I can cause more confrontation then you EVER THOUGHT POSSIBLE.. I've been to places you've never even imagined being... So go do something that would help the world out, and crawl back into the backstabbin, scum sewer you came from..

oh, and by the way.. I DO KNOW HOW MUCH OF A BITCH I AM..And I'm PROUD of it....But Unlike some people, I actually use my bitchyness when I have a RIGHT to use it... to PROTECT myself...

Get over yourself JORDAN..

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 8:25 AM

PEOPLE FUCKING SUCK SO FUCKING MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TRUST...IS THERE SUCH A THING?

HARDEST THING TO GAIN, EASIEST THING TO LOSE..

ITS AMAZING WHAT PEOPLE COME UP WITH ABOUT YOU, TO GET SOMEONE ELSE TO TURN ON YOU.... AND THESE ARE PEOPLE THAT ARE SUPPOSED TO BE YOUR FRIENDS...

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 1:34 AM

Saturday, May 31, 2003

Ahh sorry for the delay in entry's.. I've been mildly busy.... Lemme seeeeeeee..

uhm, yesh I-fest (ithaca festival for all you losers who don't know) is wonderful!! ^_^ I love hanging with mel's and ari, and seeing people that I havnt seen in a while like Rafi, and hollin, and MEETING cool new peoples...I went thurs and friday.. I might go tomorrow as well...At stuart parrrkk... Last night I saw Finding Nemo.. ^_^ I love Disney movies..Especially if they involve PIXAR.. god, they're just so damn cute and funny..and those damn turtles... AdOrAbLe ^_^ *ChYa*
Tonight I went to dinner and a movie with matttt.. I saw Bruce Almighty..It was good :)

Uhm lemme seeeeeee.. School is ALMOST over... :o It's comin to a brutal end, and I really CAN'T WAIT.. although all these finals and regents's are getting to me :( God help me.... I can Dooo Itt...

hrmm.. I spose that be it for now.. I'm hungry so im gonna go eat some cheesseee nips!! w00t

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 10:15 PM

Wednesday, May 28, 2003

This..Is my everything..
The rain that falls on the small streets-
that lead to the small homes..
The homes that shelter the small-towned people.

This is everything..
The bell that signals first period..
A hippy math teacher first thing in the morning,
Exhaustion from the will that I pulled myself out of bed with.
The everything that shares my love and my hate..
The spikey and the long- the blue, black- the brown and the beach blonde hair.
The short ones, tall ones, dimples, bigger and smaller..
These are the everyone's. that support my everything.

-MY- everything-

Is the multi-colored cat that stares at me with loving greenish-yellow eyes.
And the goofy dog that think's she is the baby of the world.
The music that I sing to, that no one likes but me.
And even this messy house that I hate, which is the core of my everything.
My everything are the years that I don't want to remember, but that I'll never forget.
And my everything is in a book full of pictures, of memories too easily forgotten.

This...Is Everything..

~My everything~

This computer, and my yellow penguin covered sheets.
Raggy ole' Mr.Pandi,
And the sound of my dad turning the pages of a newspaper.
This everything...Is what I know.
The everything that I'll never understand, but always try to change~

My everything is MY life. The peices that tie in with other people to help build Thier everything-

I was made to love and hate my everything..

Because..
Even, THIS..Is a part.. of my ever-lasting everything

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 8:21 AM

Saturday, May 24, 2003

ERGH!! *SCREAMS*

Why Do I Even Bother? -_-

I..give..up..

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 7:39 PM

Friday, May 23, 2003

TeleKevin: Whatever causes tickling to make people laugh
TeleKevin: I'm going to genetically alter myself
TeleKevin: To DESTROY IT
SpAnKy sPaCkLe: LOL
SpAnKy sPaCkLe: aww its cute tho
SpAnKy sPaCkLe: it makes you more kevin-ish :[
TeleKevin: No it makes me ticklish
TeleKevin: I find this unacceptable
SpAnKy sPaCkLe: yeah but no one else is like that
SpAnKy sPaCkLe: LOL
SpAnKy sPaCkLe: Im ticklish too
SpAnKy sPaCkLe: so THERE
TeleKevin: Well I mean
SpAnKy sPaCkLe: ur not alone :P
TeleKevin: There are GOOD original things
TeleKevin: And BAD original things
TeleKevin: Example:
SpAnKy sPaCkLe: lol
TeleKevin: Good original things:
TeleKevin: Humorous
TeleKevin: Intelligence
TeleKevin: Bad original things:
SpAnKy sPaCkLe: well tickling u humors us all ;-)
TeleKevin: Homocidal tendencies
SpAnKy sPaCkLe: LOL
TeleKevin: Maniacal rage
TeleKevin: Ticklishness
TeleKevin: You see.

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 11:13 PM

This is from yesterday, Field day of course...Mel and I were poking kevin, and basically torturing him by tickling him..Okay, ya'll have to understand that Kevin reacts in the funniest ways to someone tickling him...I think he might just be the most ticklish person EVER...The *Force Tickle* should say it all...

P.s~ Tickling is a funny word...anyone ever notice that?

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 11:01 PM

Thursday, May 22, 2003

Well...today was a nifty day...it was field day, yay for that, and mel and I basically hung out with Kevin and Jeremy the entire time...First we went bowling in Ithaca, and then we came back to the school and just..uh, hung out..Now school is out and they're still here doing shit that they need to do, and then we're going back to jeremy's for pizza and movies.. woo...

Hey, Kel is home!! :) I'm so fucking happy.. she's been home for like a week or so and I never knew until yesterday..but we went to ithaca and chilled for a while....
yeah..so last night I was online (as usual) and Cat IMs me asking me if i'd go to the candor prom with Matt (her bro)... she said he would have asked me myself but he didnt have my number or my screen name..and since he had to know by the next day, I said yes... I felt bad..You only get one senior prom, and I don't know.. im just gonna go for matt and cat.. Matt is a good guy, I guess.. i don't know him that well... But it's not like I really have anything to lose with going to a prom with him... Hopefully I'll have fun..but at the same time i'm kind of scared because I only have a week to prepare..Thank god for Kel and Jenni being home to help me with dress and hair...

I'm really tired..but I didn't have to go to detention today :D There are no late buses..it's my last detention and now I have to make it up on friday...GRR.... I guess I'm just pondering on things to think and type about since there isnt anything else to do until Kevin and Jeremy are done with whatever the hell it is they're doing over there....

Right..So..Where is my andy? :( Seriously..I'm beginning to worry and become sad, because my andy hasn't been online in so long...AND ANDY WITHDRAWLS ARE NOT COOL! >_< I guess im just going to have to call him....

okay not much left to talk about..No more school till tuesday.. ^_^ that is so..GREAT....

yesh..so..Tootles...

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 3:16 PM

Monday, May 19, 2003

Jesus christ..norm is interesting..Even though I'm really mad at the dumb fuck right now..
Check this-

IrIsH BaFoOn: And now.. a Norm story for the night...
IrIsH BaFoOn: *drum rolls*
IrIsH BaFoOn: Let me tell you a story, son.
There was a time, when racism didn't exist... wait, wrong story.
There was a time, when Adam and Eve, were ravin while on 71 tabs of E, and they ate apple after apple, and satan came to tell them to stop, or God would get mad!
And since Satan is a nigger, God blamed it on Satan
After that, he made Adam and Eve leave his hemp garden
Which God called Eden, which means paradise
Adam and Eve sex0red, and they had supposebly two children
Kain killed Abel
Abel then died
And Kain was exiled
Then 21 years later
21 years
Yep
you year me
21 years later
God said, let there be light
And then all the black people complained
and asked for equal lights
So, God made the moon

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 11:31 PM

Superstar~Tegan and Sara

dignified in what she does when she sings
the smile that she brings to all of you unaware
of what's to come i said tell me what's to come
green is the color of my envy
it's the color of fame
so i'm gonna write it down to scream it out
& i'm never gonna be the same again
fear is the color you've all exposed
now i gotta get up here
& prove the importance
of my clothes of my pose i suppose again
hard core superstar by far you're the ultimate star
do you wanna be a superstar
well that's what you are
you're gonna be a star
do you wanna be a superstar?
clever in what she does competing for the attention
of those people that you know
my whole life revolves around
your absence until i can't remember
what i was or what i am
who i know or what i know or where i go
every moment was that moment
every day was that day
every second was that second
& i've lost myself again
soon my face will be on every magazine
& then my voice
will be on every frequency
take my heart while you're at it why don't you
sign me up to sell me out
i am my angel 'til death i do i saw my first angel
& it was you

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 11:27 PM

Ugh grrr.. I really need to start going to bed earlier.. but..Yeah, only I have control over that..so I can't bitch.. I havn't been to gym class in so many weeks..and I've missed so much math.. :/ Kinda worried about my grades in those classes..But oh well... I'll get it figured out and all... I'm so nervous about the regents at the end of the year..The only one I feel half-way confident about is the Global..and that's just because global is my best subject....I KNOW im gonna fail the Spanish...It'll be a miracle if I pass with a 65...Same goes for math.. .jesus fucking christ STUPID NEW YORK STATE AND IT'S STUPID FUCKING REGENTS... WE'RE THE ONLY STATE THAT HAS THEM....It couldn't get any dumber...

Ugh..This week will hopefully go by fast.... only school days are today till wed.. then thursday is field day..which i WASNT going to go to..but mel and kevin really want me to go, so wth, I guess I will..it's just bowling and shit...And I get to hang out with my friends..I guess it'll be all good....oh and friday theres no school ^_^ w00t...

I feel so bad for mel..her stupid dad, and his stupid girlfriend and that stupid place.. .>_< DAMMIT...They can't even leave her alone, or even treat her Decently for ONE DAY..and it's all just so depressing...They really don't know her..I just hope things get better... :/ I wuv you mels..

My dad asked diane to marry him -_- -_- -_- .. All I have to say is I'd rather live with my mom than with that lying-self centered-selfish-skanky-bitch.... I just hope she says no..and I just want my dad to get the fuck over her..YEAH I know he "loves" her...and that they were together for 8 years and all..But she obviously doesn't love him with how she's treating him.....And people change..he could do WAY better than her...When I got mad at him for asking her to marry him w/o even telling me before he did... my dad got mad AT ME for getting mad at him..he was like "I just thought i'd tell you because your my daughter..." and i asked him how he could ever possibly marry someone who lies to him like she does.. and his answer was.. "because im in love"..aww how SICKENING... Just get the fuck over the bitch..This whole stupid situation has got me wanting to kick her ass across the world as far away from me and my dad as possible....And I will do everything in my power to make her as miserable as HELL when she is around me and my dad.....I wont stop until she's moved her lying ass to arizona...

Okay..Now that i've expressed some of my rage...I feel better...woo for me and woo for rage...

Now..I'm tired...i go sleepy..

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 5:06 PM

Sunday, May 18, 2003

woo this weekend has been coolz... I mean, I actually did shit for a change... Saturday I went to see the Matrix with mel, kevin, jeremy, bethany, and Alex..and then we went to FrIeNdLiEs...oh w00t for us...It's so funny to mess with kevin with the force tickle..you don't even touch him, just wiggle ;-) something at him....AND THEN last night I went with amy and cody, and some of their friends to Ithaca and chillaxed.....I LOVE MY AMES..and Cody fucking KICKS ASS...Everything he says is just so damn funny!! Fun times fun times..

AND TODAY IS MELSODIES BIRFFFDAYYY!! HAPPY SWEET 16 MELS!!! :D

Now today is sunday and it's back to school tomorrow :( I have an essay to write and shit..but hey, at least tomorrow is like a 3 day week of school :)

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 3:54 PM

Friday, May 16, 2003

Okay im in school right now and i figured since i havent written in my blog for like...ever, I guess I would.... Ugh...Block days really suck..Theyre not so bad when I have study halls though.... Ugh..I dont know..Today is a very tiring, very..just UGH-BLAH- kind of day..... Yesterday me and mel went to the candor/spencer baseball game and we watched Bryant and some other lil fuckers get their game on.... Then we uhh..hung out with R.J which was really amusing... Melody and I have been realizing how much alike we've been acting..We SAY the same things, at the same times, and THINK the same things at the same time, and laugh at the same times..And I don't know..Even R.J. started to notice, which freaked us out even more..... Its actually quite funny..

Haha, mel is telling us how she thought Mike blair was stoned in gym..or he SEEMED stoned..I said that he ALWAYS seems stoned, and she said the he seemed MORE stoned than normal.... But its funny watching her mock him trying to hit a ball.. It's just funny watching people being stoned....Messing with them is fun.. until YOUR the stoned one.. o_O then you kill the messers...

woo..okay..im tired and hungry >_< Dammit!! but I DID skip lunch to come in here with rachel,mels,jordan and katie....w00t...

This morning i was in such a bad fucking mood.. I just stood there looking @ my alarm clock for a few seconds, while I heard my dad coming up the stairs, and then he was like "OH YOUR UP" all loud and awakish..and im like -_- YEAH, im UP! I was just like "Get away or I kill you" type of mood this morning....

Okay..I guess I don't really have anything to talk about...Im just happy it's friday..

Fri..to the DAY..

And mel's bday is on sunday ;-) w00t for her!!

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 11:35 AM

Monday, May 12, 2003

You know the world is going crazy when the best RAPPER is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss holds the America's Cup. France is accusing the U.S. of Arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war and the Three most powerful men in America are named "Bush", "Dick" and "Colon" Need I say more?" - Chris Rock

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 12:50 AM

Sunday, May 11, 2003

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 2:54 PM

Thursday, May 08, 2003

-_- Im seriously pissed off right now... I really still DONT FEEL GOOD.. I couldn't sleep at all last night because my stomach hurt so bad, so I think today my dad is going to take me to the doctors.. I'm mad that I can't GET AHOLD OF THE GUIDANCE OFFICE, to ASK them to get my school work for me... AND IM MAD THAT I MISSED ANOTHER DAY OF SCHOOL... (Mel, I KNOW I MISS TOO MUCH SCHOOL, BUT I SERIOUSLY FEEL LIKE SHIT, OKAY? I TOLD YOU YESTERDAY THAT I DONT WANT TO MISS ANYMORE SCHOOL, AND I MEAN IT!!!!!!!!! BUT IM NOT GOING TO COME TO SCHOOL AFTER I'VE BEEN UP ALL NIGHT WITH MY STOMACH KILLING ME..ESPECIALLY WHEN IT MAKES ME EVEN MORE PISSY THEN I ALLREADY AM) I AM going to school tomorrow, because my stomach does feel alot better then it did last night and this morning....

UGH, and wtf is happening with shannon and jon? HER MOM IS GOING TO SUE HIM? HE's gonna get kicked out? I'm so confused...But I really think that shannon's mom needs a wake up call, right up the ass.... This is just psycho....How can her mom sue jon? "Like, OMG, He like..TALKED TO HER...And he like..WROTE NOTES..and he's a whole 2 years OLDER than her.." I really don't see anything ILLEGAL going on there.. -_- Talk about Evil Shannon Nazi mom's... -_-

:( I feel like shit with the fact I missed ANOTHER Day of school...But I do have those 4 detentions coming up.. :/ I can make up my work then...Oh..joy..

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 12:28 PM

MeDiCaTiOn~Garbage

I don't need an education,
I learnt all I need from you.
They've got me on some medication,
My point of balance was askew.
It keeps my temperature from rising,
My blood is pumping trough my veins.

Somebody get me out of here,
I'm tearing at myself.
Nobody gives a damn about me or anybody else.

I wear myself out in the morning,
You’re asleep when I get home.
Please don't call me self defending,
You know it cuts me to the bone.
And it's really not surprising,
I hold a force I can't contain.

Somebody get me out of here,
I'm tearing at myself.
Nobody gives a damn about me or anybody else.

And still you call me co-dependent,
Somehow you lay the blame on me.
And still you call me co-dependent,
Somehow you lay the blame on me.

Somebody get me out of here,
I'm tearing at myself.
I've got to make a point these days,
To extricate myself.
Somebody get me out of here,
I'm tearing at myself.
Nobody gives a damn about me or anybody else.

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 12:45 AM

Th3 Kr1sP: pms should burn and rott in hell :-(
TeleKevin: I can't say I know anythinga bout it but I believe girls that it's really awful just as I expect them to believe me that getting hit in the junk is awful respectively

Hahaha...

Blah..Today wasn't a good day :( ..I was really sick today..I feel alot better now..my stomach is a little off still.. but alot better than this morning...I was up all night, like sweating ( I think I had a fever)..And then really early this morning I ended up getting sick...
Even though I don't WANT to be in school.. I still WANT TO GO..because I know that I HAVE to... ugh!!!! why couldnt I have gotten sick tomorrow...I would be able to miss gymmmm....I hate gym with a fucking passion -_- ..it should fucking die...running around on tracks like little mice in mazes...jumping over poles, like we're dogs or something...as kevin would say "UNACCEPTABLE".. GRRRARRR!!!!!

So, I wouldn't be suprised if anyone even reads this anymore....I don't really have much to say, because my life really isnt THAT exciting....so if you do read this...I'm sorry :P

Sometimes I really wonder what the purpose of life is....I mean..God things change so much so fast..We all go through so much shit in our lives..But for WHAT? Seriously..For what..We'll always continue to live life misunderstood, and misunderstanding.... it's all just...so tiring.... the main goal of our life is one of two options...to make as much money as possible in our lifetime...Or to be Satisfied and happy with our lives.....ha, that doesn't even happen anymore unless you got a good amount of money....Sometimes I just feel like im wasting my time on the things I don't want to do, when I could be really living...Im so tied down by everything....That I don't even have time to live...Teenagers and kids are like little robots programmed to listen and follow whatever their authority tells them to...and then its our turn to program that same information into our kids...What a life.. :o

yeah, at this moment in time.. I really don't know...

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 12:05 AM

Tuesday, May 06, 2003

**Never miss someone from your past, there's a reason they didn't make it into your future**

^ From Burr's pro..True on SOME EXTENT..like when it comes to the assholes that have fucked you over in your life...^

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 9:57 AM

Monday, May 05, 2003

"Champagne Supernova"~OaSiS

How many special people change
How many lives are living strange
Where were you while we were getting high?

Slowly walking down the hall
Faster than a cannonball
Where were you while we were getting high?

Someday you will find me
Caught beneath the landslide
In a champagne supernova in the sky
Someday you will find me
Caught beneath the landslide
In a champagne supernova
A champagne supernova in the sky

Wake up the dawn and ask her why
A dreamer dreams she never dies
Wipe that tear away now from your eye

Slowly walking down the hall
Faster than a cannonball
Where were you while we were getting high?

Someday you will find me
Caught beneath the landslide
In a champagne supernova in the sky
Someday you will find me
Caught beneath the land slide
In a champagne supernova
A champagne supernova

Coz people believe that they're
Gonna get away for the summer
But you and I, we live and die
The world's still spinning around
We don't know why
Why why why why

How many special people change
How many lives are living strange
Where were you while we were getting high?

Slowly walking down the hall
Faster than a cannonball
Where were you while we were getting high?

Someday you will find me
Caught beneath the landslide
In a champagne supernova in the sky
Someday you will find me
Caught beneath the landslide
In a champagne supernova
A champagne supernova

Coz people believe that they're
Gonna get away for the summer
But you and I, we live and die
The world's still spinning around
We don't know why
Why why why why

How many special people change
How many lives are living strange
Where were you while we were getting high?

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 8:25 PM

Ever feel so crazy..

That iyou even scare yourself?

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 12:34 AM

Sunday, May 04, 2003

UGH!! #@$#@!#$%%$^@!#!@ I NEED A FUCKING CHANGE IN MY FUCKING LIFE..

Like seriously..something about me and my life has to change..I have the sudden urge to chop all my hair off, like right this second..and dye it..and I have the urge to get a tan, (which i hardly ever do, because i have really fucking fair skin, and i've taken a liking to it and it's difference)..And i just need something, somewhere, in SOME aspect of my life to change...

wooooo..

I mean..things around here are odd and different enough with how my dad is acting..I mean, my dad is NOT acting like my dad at all..and it's kind-of scaring me......ALOT...I don't think he was even this bad when Jared died...Maybe he was, and I didn't realize because I was mourning too..But he's a totally different person right now...all depressed and sensitive towards everything...Things he would never used to do, he does now.. like little things..Like leaving lights on..and...I don't know..HE DOESNT EAT EITHER...I bet he's lost like 5 pounds just within the last week, if not MORE...I just kind-of blurted at him tonight.."THATS why you need therepy dad"..after he said he cant even stand being in the house alone, if i'm not here....

Okay enough of my dad...I saw my aunt today..I ALWAYS get picked on when im at my moms..about something, anything.. -_- ... My aunt, first thing she says when I saw her.. "you should really dye your hair blonde...it would fit you so much better...You know, with all those moments you have and everything.." @!##@%$# I know they're only picking.. but sometimes they can go over board....Like if your not the perfect athlete, with perfect grades, and perfect beauty...You need to be ridiculed or something.. I don't know..all of Fran's kids, and grandkids are all super-athletic, popular, and like goody-goodies......It just bothers me sometimes..I think they're half the reason I started to dye my hair black, and get peircings....If I get one more.. "you shouldn't put so much black dye in your hair.." im going to dye it fucking bright bright BRIGHT red, and then see how they like it.. -_-

yeah...OKay...

I really don't want to go to school tomorrow..
I really NEVER want to go to school...
But this week, I have to ..Like I have detention tuesday AND thursday...and wednsday, its AIS early dissmissal, and I have to stay after for Stangle..So thats 3 days of staying after in a row..I just have to stop missing so much fucking work..It's catching up to me..and making me feel like more shit then I should have to...And then I get in trouble and earn myself 4 nifty detentions..HEY, its better then ISS..or..IS it.. o_O ...yeah...Half of my problems..okay, mainly ALL of my problems are caused by myself and my laziness..BUT HEY, at least I realize it....

ugh..I feel so bad tonight..I've been pissing people off right and left..Hurting them...including pissing myself off..How can one person be capable of so much catastrophe?
Rachel- I love you hun, you know I do..and im sorry-Same to you Jordan.... I was thinking before I said things.. IM SORRY...

Okay..Im done for right now...Enjoy .. -_-

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 11:38 PM

"Rescue Me"~Unwritten Law

Shut down
Fallin over once again
Dropped out
Hand extended for a friend
Looked up
And there's you lookin in
And who cares
Cause no ones lookin anyway
Impaired
My vision lost to yesterday
And that's fine
Don't mind feelin that way
Just don't let me lie here by my self

Let’s go
I know I'm faded
Drop outta sight
Tonight
Just stay with me, I don't wanna go home
Drop outta sight
Tonight
Just rescue me
I don't wanna go

Rewind and take me back to start again
Ducked out cause paranoia's settin in
But I'm with you until the end
One ride
We'll drive around the parkin lot
No pride
Cause I don't seem to care a lot
No cash
This change is all I got
Just don't let me ride here by myself now

Let’s go
I know I'm faded
Drop outta sight
Tonight
Just stay with me, I don't wanna go home
All right
Tonight
Just rescue me, I don't wanna go
So stand still
One last thrill
Just stay with me and we'll never go home
Drop outta sight
Tonight
Just rescue me and we'll never go home
Yeah we'll never go home Yeah
I don't wanna go
One more ride
One time once again
Just climb in
I'm still climbing yeah
One more ride
One time once again
Just climb in
I'm still climbing

Drop outta sight
Tonight
Just stay with me, I don't wanna go home
All right
Tonight
Just rescue me, I don't wanna go
So set still
One last thrill
Just stay with me and we'll never go home
Drop outta sight
Tonight
So rescue me and we'll never go home

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 5:33 PM

Kelly Osbourne~Come dig me out

They wanted me
To be the dream
But my mood went south
And I'm stuck on the couch in bad jeans
And the couch sucks me down to the floor
And the floor sucks me down to the earth
And I'm covered and buried before
My heart had a chance to start working

Hey, It's heavy underground
I'm screaming for attention
So come dig me out

And I say
Hey somebody can you hear me now
'Cause my world is caving in
So come dig me out

It's rainning again
And who've guessed
No one's come along to tell me that I'm a mess
And the bed sucks me down through the floor
And the floor sucks me down through the earth
And I'm covered and buried before
My head had a chance to stop hurting

Hey, It's heavy underground
I'm screaming for attention
So come dig me out

And I say
Hey somebody can you hear me now
'Cause my world is caving in
So come dig me out

I never thought I could fall ten feet under
I always thought someone would remember
To look for me
Before I reach the end

Hey somebody can you hear me now
'Cause my world is caving in
So come dig me out

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 3:02 PM

Saturday, May 03, 2003

yey, I finally got my eyebrow ring changed.. Its no longer a hoop, but a post! w00t...

im kindof tired..and blahhh...I've been up since 9 doing shit..and I drove alot today...My dad is squeezing the time outta me...He never wants to be home, and he practicly begs me to go places with him.....blah..oh well...

Im seriously bored right now...and this is the reason I really didn't want to come up here to my moms.. .THERE IS NOTHING TO DO..and I mean NOTHING...no one is online, I don't normally watch tv...and my mom lives out in the middle of NO WHERE.>_<

oh well...

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 5:39 PM

Ahh okay..Sorry i've been lazy and not updating this lately....Mel and I always speak too soon about not gettin in trouble with things...we did get called down, but we didn't get ISS..he let us choose between ISS and 4 detentions....and we took the 4 detentions....Fun oh fun...Theres only like 35 more days of school left total..I think its only like 25 class days...like if you don't include field day, and off days, and regents days....I just really can't wait until summer...Even though ima hafta get a job this summer, it beats going to school..and at least i'll have money...

I kind-of got over my phobia of driving..I mean, I still get scared shitless sometimes..But I can at least do most of the normal driving things people do.. Like actually go in reverse, and turn and stuff.. LoL....so..I don't know..I happen to be very proud of me...^_^.. and my dad bought my car from diane...he got a good deal..and now I also have my car back! ^_^.. w00t for me

My dad is again, crazy..I feel so awful for him....I think he seriously thinks he's gonna be alone for the rest of his life..He said he sent Diane flowers @ her work today..saying thanks for the 8+ years of your life that you devoted to me..And blah blah...And he said if she'd take him back..he'd go back in a heart beat... *sigh*....He asked me tonight if he thinks he'll make it getting over diane.. im just like "OF COURSE DAD!! ITS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD" well that was a mistake because then he goes on about how shes the only person he's ever loved before..that at age 53 he knows what love is, and how she broke his heart..and blah blah blah.. >_< ITS ACTUALLY DRIVING ME INSANE!!!! but he's my dad..I love him..and I need to just sit there, shut up, and listen....

I wanna get my libre peirced.. ( I think thats how you spell it) and I hate to say this..but my dad is vulnerable right now..The perfect time to manipulate him into taking me to get it done!! XD..this weekend im gettin my eyebrow ring changed..so for you fiz00L's out there who have been tired of looking @ the same one i've had for the past 5..6..however months its been..Im seriously planning on changing it...about time eh? me excited..peircings are hot.. ;-)

okay enough of my psycho-babble for now....TO BE CONTINUED! ;-)

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 2:19 AM

Wednesday, April 30, 2003

Th3 Kr1sP: Eenie
Th3 Kr1sP: meenie
Th3 Kr1sP: Miney
Th3 Kr1sP: Moe
Xx0bs0letexX: catch a krispi by her toe
Th3 Kr1sP: LoL
Xx0bs0letexX: if she screams please run away
Xx0bs0letexX: so you dont have to hear her swinging a machete your way

*damn mel..I was in a bad mood....and i've had this major writters block for a while..and when i was all "fuck the world, cuz everything sucks" I had writters block no more.. BUT NO MELODY HAD TO MAKE ME LAUGH! >_<

;)

I wuv my mels...:P

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 11:44 PM

"Freaking out"~Adema

I was so much an outcast,
no one ever liked me 'cause I wasn't wanted.
I was so different from the rest of 'em all
fucked up on the drugs, from all the speed
and I never got no sleep
'cause I kept on trippin' over what they said
and everything that my mom said made me mad
and everything that my dad said made me sad.

Why am I even trying?
I'm crying it out, I'm crying it out
I cannot seem to keep from freaking out
spinning 'round, spinning 'round
I've fallen down
I cannot seem to keep from freaking out
you keep shootin' those glances
relating to the rawness of a fuckin lost kid
trying so hard to become just like me
talk like me, walk like me
you keep tripping on everything i wear
everytime I swear, even when it comes to my hair
it seems like you don't have the time to relate to my kind
I'm not a dumb fool in your life

why am I even trying
I'm crying itout, I'm crying it out
I cannot seem to keep from freaking out
spinning 'round, spinning 'round
I've fallen down
I cannot seem to keep from freaking out
I'm tripping out, i'm tripping out
I cannot seem to keep from freaking out
coming down, breaking down
I've hit the ground
I cannot seem to keep from freaking out

now do you trip?
are you still tripping on me?
now do you trip?
why are you tripping on me?

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 11:08 PM

"Stupid Girl"~Garbage

You pretend you're high
Pretend you're bored
Pretend you're anything
Just to be adored
And what you need
Is what you get

Don't believe in fear
Don't believe in faith
Don't believe in anything
That you can't break

You stupid girl
You stupid girl
All you had you wasted
All you had you wasted

What drives you on
Can drive you mad
A million lies to sell yourself
Is all you ever had

Don't believe in love
Don't believe in hate
Don't believe in anything
That you can't waste

You stupid girl
You stupid girl
Can't believe you fake it
Can't believe you fake it

Don't believe in fear
Don't believe in pain
Don't believe in anyone
That you can't tame

You stupid girl
You stupid girl
All you had you wasted
All you had you wasted

You stupid girl
You stupid girl
Can't believe you fake it
Can't believe you fake it

You stupid girl
You stupid girl
Can't believe you fake it
Can't believe you fake it

You stupid girl

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 9:36 PM

eep, sorry for the last spastic post.... I was a tad hyper....I feel really shitty right now..Ugh, Like physically and mentally..Just BLAH...I took a nap, and my dad woke me up once, and I was half asleep, I guess he asked me if I wanted to go get ice cream, and then I just changed my mind and went back to sleep..o_O..Then he woke me up again, for I don't know what reason...Something about how depressed he is because Diane was going over to that guy's house...I think I was really pissy and told him to get over it...I dont know.. I WAS SLEEPING....But...He does need to realize that shes totally not worth what he's going through...I still say my dad needs therepy, that he's NEEDED therepy since him and my mom got divorced...:X But he is so against it...Ugh..I dunno..my family seriously puts the fun into disfuncuntional..But thats okay....I guess everyone has their quarks...
I got my report card...And I actually did better then I THOUGHT I would....Like..ALOT better..I thought i was going to have like three 70 somethings..But my lowest grade is an 81...(and in that class kuhn even TOLD me I had like a 75..hmph..Guess he changed his mind) My highest is like a 94....me average is 86.4 ^_^.. Im so gettin my c-pass back with one of those thingy majigers...

Ugh..Regents is sooo soon.. Someone...please just..shoot me :(:(:( .. Im so scared.....I feel like im gonna fail them all...Especially MATH and SPANISH....@!##@%$#%$^ grrrr

Okay, whatever..I don't have much else to say...

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 9:32 PM

Eep..school....I NEVER GOT ISS..
well we havnt had it so far.....We're just hoping that they forgot over break...I wouldn't have minded having ISS on monday, just because of the fact I didn't do any homework and I wasn't prepared at all because I thought that I wouldn't have to go to classes....Oh wells.. ^_^

Ahhh.....Im hungry :( Kind-of..I really just want gum...Cuz gum is good, and it makes u feel kind-of full..yeah, whatever...AND IT GIVES U GOOD BREATH! :O

Yeah i just told mel about a dream i had last night..I was in math class..in front of everyone..Holding Machette (big knife thing) and I was standing there..Just looking, and everyone was looking back at me..And I stabbed myself in my stomach..No blood or anything came out, but i felt the pain, and I then pulled it out..and Mr.Kuhn came up next to me, and tried taking the knife away, and I cut his hand off..Then I just went crazy, and started swinging the knife everywhere trying to hurt people.....And I was just going crazy..Everyone in the class was just staring at me, and one girl was crying...Then some teachers come in and restrain me and pull me down the stairs and outside, while i still have the knife, and Im like still swinging it everywhere, and then melody was in front of me, and I looked @ her, and just dropped the knife, and was thrown in the cop car..

okay bell rang..tootles//

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 11:42 AM

Sunday, April 27, 2003

Ahh im home from NYC...NYC is like a whole different planet compared to s-ve...I woulnt be able to spend that much time there without going crazy.. But i had fun.. lots-o fun... mel, jordie, and anne are quite the friends.. LoL im going through withdrawls of them.....Even tho i lost my boston ring in the 'happenin BK'.. >_< GRRR.. oh well...Its only a peice of silver...... Aida was a really really good broadway production...it was amazing actually...totally worth every cent i spent on it.....I think everyone should see a broadway play at some point in their life...hell, LOTS of them.....
The WTC area is really really sad.. :( Ive been emotional this whole weekend.....Aunt flow is gonna come visit me soon, and for all those people out there who know Aunt flow as well as I do, they know what im talking about.... so emotional.. I wanted to cry when i was there.... Its just so incredibly sad.... I really wish I could have seen the WTC's before they went down..... But *sigh* i dunno

Ahh...My dad I think has lost every bit of sanity he ever had... I was walking out to the kitchen, and on the table was the book "Men are from Mars, women are from venus" with his glasses right on top of the book.. I opened it, and i guess he's read quite a bit of it..AND theres a bunch of seperate articles in the book about like a workaholic guy losing his marriage, and stuff.....fuck diane for messin with my dad..Now he's all sensitive and stuff..... its really really weird...

Hmmm..I dont know what else to say really... one last day of SB then its back to school on tuesday.. :( Someone save me.. I like not having school.....

Meh, okay...More laterrrrr when I have something half way important to say...

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 3:54 PM

Thursday, April 24, 2003

"Angel"~Sarah Mclachlan

Spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay
there's always one reason
to feel not good enough
and it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
oh beautiful release
memory seeps from my veins
let me be empty
and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

in the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there

so tired of the straight line
and everywhere you turn
there's vultures and thieves at your back
and the storm keeps on twisting
you keep on building the lie
that you make up for all that you lack
it don't make no difference
escaping one last time
it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

in the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 2:20 AM

This is so sad..Mel showed me this link of a girl who plays oboe.. (yeah i can hear u saying "whats oboe?" right now) its an instrument...and well..you guessed it.. I PLAY IT..

There's so much I would tell an aspiring oboist--including DON'T DO IT! YOU'D BE THROWING AWAY YOUR LIFE!--Here are the Facts of Life for an Oboist, all of which I found out the HARD WAY.
The facts of Life...

No one likes oboes. (Even those who think they do, don't know what they're talking about.)
Your abandonment fears will come true.
Your playing will be best when it doesn't count.
Your own nerves are your worst enemy.
You can be a good oboist or a good kisser, but not both.
The day will come when you consider a wristbrace a status symbol.
Successful Oboists succeed as something else. (Oboist-in-disguise-rule)
Your only decent/only reed will break when you need it most.
Jesus loves the little children.--but oboists, alas, no.
You will hate the oboe more than you will love it, but you will never let it go.
When you tell people what instrument you play, atleast 50% of them will picture a bassoon.
When explaining what an oboe is, you will have to swallow your pride, and say that it looks like a CLARINET.

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 2:18 AM

Wednesday, April 23, 2003

okay im home now.. I got home last night... The bus ride sucked ass.. next time I'm definitly taking plane...I left around 12 and got in at like 8:30...yeah so boston was really great.. I love kel..I mean she is a really special person.. She's so loving, and caring about other people..and she's completely understanding and NON-judgmental of EVERYONE....In boston we went to this little diner, and there was this guy in there who was preaching about atheism..and the diner had this red light inside of it, like arouind it, and kel said when she looked @ him the first time, the thing that came to mind was "omg the devil is sittin right there".. And I think that guy WAS the devil..hence "devil in the diner"...It was freaky..we got in this huge discussion with him about religions and blah blah...
Im not in the mood to write that much in here right now.. I feel really groggy and tired.. I don't know why..But I do..
Diane broke up with my dad 2 nights ago...And he is an absolute MESS.. I havn't seen him this bad for like...well since Jared died..he's just really depressed and upset... Diane is such a fucking bitch..she goes from "Will u marry me?" to "Hey, I want freedom, I found someone new..see ya!" I mean, 8 years they were together..and diane just abandons my dad....Im really worried about him.. :/ I dont know..Im really angry at diane...-_- Selfish bitch

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 3:01 PM

Monday, April 21, 2003

ahh sorry for the delay in postings peoples....I've been busy :)

Boston is really awsome... Its a little colder here then it is in s-ve (if u can believe that) but that might also be because of the ocean/bay/ and river.....

It's been a blast...ALOT of walking....My feet hurt so bad right now because I probably walked..well I don't know, it was alot...but today all the subways were closed because of the Boston Marathon, so we had to walk across the town to get to the ONE that was open.... the boston marathon is fucking HUGE...Like H-U-G-E.. ..Thats the most people ive ever seen in one time in my entire life....And everyone was drunk too...

ahh i g2g..i'll add some more onto this later

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 5:10 PM

Thursday, April 17, 2003

some more pics of..YESTERDAY....*cough*cough*

funt times fun times ;-)

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 10:22 PM